Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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