what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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