Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My life is pants optional.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
