Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
