I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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