If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I AM VODKA MAN
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
