i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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