I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
