she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
