i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize