i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
