Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
