she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
