i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
