the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
