put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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