I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
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Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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