thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
