she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize