well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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