TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
