Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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