This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
