are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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