Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
