What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
