I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
