When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
