I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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