We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
