I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
