I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
