So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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