you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I'm really busy with my period
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