Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
