How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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