you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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