Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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