living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
