Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
