take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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