My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
