9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
