i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Damn victory sex feels great
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize