My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
