if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
