did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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