If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
