Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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