I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
