i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
