What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize