I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is Oprah even human
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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