When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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