Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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