I accidentally burped into my bong.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
