Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
how does that bad decision feel?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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