i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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