dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Congratulations! We have a period
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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