i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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