whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
