If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
