erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
